Right off the top, left me define what I mean by “Friend Zone.” There are a lot of different ideas swirling about concerning the term. People see “friend” and overlook “zone” and the context in which the term is used. The “Friend Zone” does not describe the time between when a man meets a woman and she cautiously considers a life with him before entering into a serious relationship. It doesn’t describe a relationship between a man and woman where they are friends and she has no interest beyond a platonic relationship with him. That’s a legitimate friendship. The “Friend Zone” is when a woman finds a man attractive. They share common interests, common values, etc. They have all of the makings for a great relationship. Her mother even likes him (which seems to adversely affect the relationship oddly enough). Yet, she chooses a boyfriend that she has little in common with. The “friend-boy” gets the honor of being the supplement to her deficient relationship with her inadequate boyfriend. This is the “Friend Zone” this article refers to. Now that we’re clear on what the “Friend Zone” is, we can begin…
What happens when a girl meets the perfect guy, a guy with whom she shares similar passions, similar values, and one her mother loves? That’s obviously a rhetorical question. Everyone knows what happens next. She neatly places him in the “friend zone.” I’ll readily admit this doesn’t happen in every case, but please allow me some grace to talk (maybe vent a little) about the times it does which is one time too many for any nice guy who has ever spent any time in the friend zone.
Every good man I know (and those I don’t know, I’m sure) has experienced the same story only the names and faces have changed from one person’s situation to the next. Each good dude has spent a lot of time alone well, not really alone. There are always women willing to be their “friends” and close confidants. The good guy is an excellent resource for that it seems. Women can always rely on him to give an honest “male perspective” when things aren’t going right with the guy they chose over him. The good guy is the perfect supplement for deficient relationships women experience with the wrong men they have chosen for all the wrong reasons. A woman has the best (and worst) of both worlds with these two starkly contrasting men, but why would any woman want the worst from a man or the worst in a man for that matter?
For men who may be woefully unaware or just don’t want to face the reality of their “placement,” here is a short checklist. If a woman has said any of the following to you, you have been “friend-zoned.”
“You’re just like a brother to me.”
If she refers to you as “brother” in any sense, you have been friend-zoned.
If she ever refers to you as her “Buddy, “Bro,” “Pal,” etc. If she uses any of those words in reference to you, you’re in the “zone.”
You have two choices. You can enjoy being the equivalent of her “girlfriend with a penis” or choose to move on and find a girl who shares the same level of interest in you that you have in her.
Let me clarify. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being friends when it’s a legitimate friendship. When a woman is only interested in a platonic relationship, that’s fine, no harm, no foul. That’s fair for both involved. The “friend zone” is when a woman rules a man out for a non-platonic relationship, but takes advantage of him by using him for the attention he gives, the authentic love he gives that doesn’t require her to give her body, her money or her servitude. His love is genuine and cost her nothing, but availability. In legitimate friendships, men are not treated like male girlfriends. The friend-zoned guy is treated like a girlfriend. Admittedly, guys play
a part in this by allowing their feelings to get the best of them. They choose “less than” rather than nothing at all, obviously unaware that desperation doesn’t wear well on anyone even on good men. It’s easy for a woman to lose respect for a man in this space.
No one really knows the decision-making process a woman employs to determine whether a guy is friend-zoned or is given the opportunity to pursue a relationship with her. I’m not even sure women know. It might be as simple as her not feeling “butterflies” when she’s in his presence, “sparks” of any kind or the equally important “chemistry.” Who knows? No one knows for sure. It may be another “woman-esque” thing where “you just know.” Guys have no idea what that means, but it’s a “thing” with women. That’s one for another day and another article.
Good Men Shortage Solution?
If there is a shortage of good men, why don’t women date the men they have friend-zoned? That would seem to be a much better option than dating a scoundrel especially considering no guy is friend-zoned for being a good guy. The guy you friend-zoned is, by definition, undesirable. Conversely, the guy a woman settles for, by definition, is also undesirable. If both are undesirable, wouldn’t the nice friend-zoned guy be a better choice to fill your empty space? After all, he’s harmless. He was good enough to be a friend. Why isn’t he good enough to love? Is it easier to smooth the rough edges of the bad boy or to create the desired rough edges from the smooth surface of a good man? It would seem in any imaginable case that the good man would always be the better option. Of course, that decision is not mine to make not to mention I have an admitted bias due to my “good guy proclivities.”
The worst place for any man to lose is while he’s sitting on the sidelines hoping and waiting for a chance to get in “the game.” Being in the friend zone is sitting on the sidelines of love. Truly, it’s not any woman’s duty to act as a “coach” to any man who is pursuing her, but he’s vulnerable. That’s not your fault, but it is your opportunity to help him. At least, let him die with dignity. A quick death is preferred. Kill him softly. Kill him quickly. Eventually, he will move on with his life and be much better having gained a painful, but very valuable lesson(s) from the experience.