“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can wound the very soul”
–Derek Q. Sanders
“Get over It” is one of the most insensitive phrases that can be said to someone who is left hurting from a broken relationship that ended badly. Those three words have healed not one wound that I am aware of.
To utter “Get over It”, is like telling someone you love that their pain is not worth your time to hear. It is necessary to get over it. What would be helpful is to provide an atmosphere where that person can get over it.
Provide an atmosphere where they can feel the love that heals, not a voice that only brings more pain. No one in their right mind wants to live in the hurt of their past or carry it into their future.
There is the present danger that the pain of a failed relationship may set the expectations for the relationship that lies ahead. This must be avoided at all costs. Sometimes, the trauma of lost love causes one to question their worth.
This faulty error in thinking will wreak havoc in future relationships if not challenged. Consider the retooling of an automotive assembly plant. At the end of each year, the plant is shut down in order for the plant to be retooled for the next year’s model of cars.
The new models require changes to be made in the settings to meet the needs of the new designs. Relationships are similar. There is time needed to “retool” after a relationship ends, especially one that ends badly.
There are adjustments that need to be made as we examine ourselves to correct where we need correction and heal where we may need healing. The question is how does one get over it?
Some desperately want to be free, but they don’t know how to be free. Forgiveness is often necessary. Sometimes, it’s necessary to forgive yourself for the guilt you feel for the choice you made in who you allowed in your life.
Forgive yourself for what you accepted in the relationship. Forgive yourself for remaining in the relationship. Lastly, forgive the person that hurt you. Realize that your past does not define you. The past is a record of prior events.
The past represents who you were at a particular period in time. You are only married to the past when you make a vow with your past to remain fully committed to it. You can change whenever you decide.
Change is not always easy, but it’s necessary. Life and love is about growth which is sometimes painful. The past is full of great opportunities to learn and grow as we look back and mine through the headaches, heartaches, disappointments, and the issues of life.
Some that happen due to no fault of our own or a significant other. Life and love will provide many great moments that we never want to leave and other terrible moments that we never want to re-live. Those are the moments where we must learn to “Get over it”.
It’s much easier to get over them in a community of family and friends that provide love and space for us to heal rather than words that suggest that our pain is not worth their hearing. A more loving and beneficial phrase would be “Let me help you get over it”. That’s the show of love that begins a very necessary process of healing.