Hero Without A Cause

Hero Without A Cause

573861bac424e404bce2ffbc44436602At times, every man wants to fly in and save the woman he loves. However, his heroic efforts may often be met with misunderstanding and resistance when the woman that he seeks to save misinterprets his actions. He swoops down from high above to the lower depths to her rescue only to find himself flat on his back at the hands of the very damsel he sought to save. She had no clue that he was trying to save her because she had no need of salvation.

Too many times, men give more than what is needed or, at other times, less than what is necessary. Timing is everything and understanding goes hand in hand with timing. Trouble is waiting in the wings when both timing and understanding are missed.

There is a need in men to feel necessary in the life of a woman. To satisfy this need, men sometimes make the mistake of suiting up in full hero regalia often at the wrong times. Often, a man gives the appearance of coming across as an authority on any subject that a woman raises when he may, in fact, be attempting to reassure her of his value in her life.

He is in a sense being her ‘hero’ (or at least attempting to be). She is unaware that Clark Kent has dashed into a nearby phone booth and returned as Superman. More importantly, she was in no need of Superman. Clark Kent would have served her needs well. All she needed was the attentive listening ear of her man. There were no superhuman abilities needed to satisfy her immediate needs at that moment.

Men have insecurities that often are misdiagnosed as strengths. The desire to control is not always at play in these cases even though it may appear as such. Society does not afford men the liberty to express their feelings as it does women. Men are socialized to conceal their feelings. Many men are handicapped in this area and may not even be aware of it. Those are men that only share their feelings in the company of those that they truly trust with their vulnerability. It is usually a very short list.

Most men spend their free time engaging in activity that displays male dominance and power. The shows that most men watch attest to this idea. Ever heard of football, basketball, baseball, hockey, etc.? Sports reinforce the role of men to dominate. Even when men engage in conversation, it is not about feelings. The conversation is about some level of dominance and power whether it is sports, business, cars, muscles, etc.

Men tend to express themselves by a show of power of some sort based upon these factors. The effort of a man to show a woman how much he knows is not necessarily a deliberate attempt to be over-bearing or competition with her but more likely his way of expressing himself in the most accessible means available. This is not true of every man but indeed some.

Ladies, the next time your man makes a feeble attempt to ‘save’ you, understand that his motives quite possibly are noble. He may just want to reassure you (as well as himself) that he is relevant in your life. Men are powerful yet fragile and in need of assurance from their women as well believe it or not. This understanding may help you better relate to your man as men and women are uniquely different. It may not hurt to let him know that he is all the ‘superman’ that you need every now and then. That should calm his fears and uncertainties and settle his need to be relevant. Every man needs this from time to time.

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