“Love is a many splendored thing”, an old popular song once taught us with its kind words and soft melodies, but there is no such splendor in the abuse suffered by any woman. Neither is there any love to be found in her pain. Abuse is never an act of love. It’s an act carried out by a man out of control.
Abuse is an evil tool used by a troubled man to control a woman. It gives him a feeling of power and sense of control. True power comes from self-control not an abuse of power used to unjustly rule over another person especially when it’s used on the very women that men were intended to protect.
Ladies, “I love you”heard from a man after such egregious acts that blaspheme all that it means to be a man is only an emotional control mechanism that works on a woman whose self-esteem has been compromised and diminished by repeated acts of abuse that have convinced her that she is ‘worth less’ therefore, ‘worthless’.
Self-esteem is difficult to regain once it’s been lost, even more so when it was never fully established in the first place which is too often the case in the lives of young girls now, women. If a father is not there to validate his daughter and secure her worth within herself, she is left vulnerable to the advances of young men who may suffer from ‘male identity crisis’ if they also lacked fathers to teach them the value of a woman or the role of a man.
The father is the most important man in the life of a young girl. He validates her. The father is the most important man in the life of a young boy. He teaches a son what it means to be a man and provides a living example of how a man should care for a woman by how he cares for his wife. When a father fails to model these behaviors in the presence of a son or daughter, there are catastrophic results that greatly affect the relationships between the men and women they later become.
Abuse is not always a physical act. Verbal abuse extends far beyond the reach of the body’s extremities to do harm mentally and emotionally. Mistakenly, the scars that can be seen outwardly are the ones most often given recognition while those that remain unseen go unnoticed. Many women carry “unmarked wounds” from harsh, demeaning and damaging words that reach to the depths of their souls.
“Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can break the spirit within”. Words can be more devastating than physical pain. Abuse of any sort is unacceptable and should not be ignored or excused. It is reported that young women face the highest rates of dating violence and sexual assault.
If you or anyone you know is a victim of dating violence, please reach out for help.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-SAFE
The National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline 866-331-9474
The National Sexual Assault Hotline 800-656-4673.