There is a special bond between a parent and a child. The dynamic between a mother and her son is, in a word, “deep”, to borrow a colloquial expression from my ‘native tongue’. The same is true of the special bond between a father and his daughter. The point here is not to draw any value comparisons between the parent-child relationships of a father or mother to suggest that one has any greater impact or importance than the other. That would be a foolish and irresponsible misuse of an opportunity to encourage meaningful thoughts for consideration. The relationship between a parent and child in any pairing is of great benefit to the development of the child. Of particular interest is the dynamic between fathers and daughters and mothers and sons for the purpose of this writing.
Let’s begin with the mother and son relationship. Momma’s boy immediately comes to mind. Unlike “Daddy’s girl”, which I will address later, Momma’s boy is never an acceptable designation for a man. It usually refers to a son that has been spoiled and otherwise ruined by a mother that hindered his ability to mature into a responsible man. As a result, the woman that he pursues, when he comes of age, will often act as a surrogate mother rather than a potential wife. In stark contrast, there is the more favorable relationship between a mother and son that garners the highest honorable mention where a son places his mother on a pedestal. This man is considered, by women, to be a great catch because of his exceptional treatment of his mother.
The prevailing belief that stems from this mother-son relationship is this advice often given to women; “If you want to know how a man will treat you, pay attention to how he treats his mother.” Though, I understand the thought process that leads to this conclusion, it is flawed. There are a few considerations that are overlooked. The parent-child relationship has a totally different dynamic than the dating relationship between a woman and man. How a man treats his mother does not determine how he will treat other women in his life or women in general for that matter. “Mother” is in a totally different category than other women. This can be good or bad depending on the individual relationship itself.
Still, there are men that treat their mothers like queens while treating other women (the daughters of other men and the mothers of other children) like whores. As well, there are men that have no respect for their own mothers, but treat other women with great respect. Many other factors must be considered to determine how a man will treat a woman in a dating relationship. A woman may gain better insight from knowing how a man has treated the women that came before her to get a true sense of how he values women as it relates to her position in his life.
Daddy’s girl is considered an acceptable designation for any girl that loves her father. Daddy’s girl, unlike Momma’s boy, is almost never, if ever, used as a negative connotation. It speaks of the daughter that loves her father and not the woman that has not yet reached the appropriate level of maturity like Momma’s boy. That’s an interesting point to mention, but not the area of concern. The greater issue is that many women view their fathers as the model of what a significant other should look like in matters of operation. They look for the men in their lives to mimic the role that a father serves in the life of a daughter. There are some inherent similarities. The father represents provision, protection, and leadership among other very valuable roles that he serves. Definitely, these marks of character should be modeled by a mature man. The difference is that a father-daughter relationship is one-sided in favor of the daughter. A father only wants to see his daughter happy. He has no expectations from her for his own benefit. The same is true of any parent-child relationship. This is an entirely different dynamic than that of a man and woman in a dating relationship. That relationship is intended to be mutually rewarding. Their roles have been designed to provide such for each.
When a daughter considers her relationship with her father, she should learn how a father treats his child, specifically his daughter. In this relationship, the daughter should be validated by her father. The father’s role is to secure her long before any young man is afforded an opportunity to have any real influence in her life for good or bad. The father sets the foundation by his validation of her physically, emotionally, and spiritually. This is the father-daughter relationship. When a daughter looks at her father, she should learn how a husband treats his wife by the example he sets in marriage to her mother. This is the example of how a woman should be treated by a man in pursuit of a wife and not the example of the father-daughter relationship. Daddy’s girl is a father-daughter relationship not to be modeled by any other man than a father for the daughter he loves. When a woman desires to be treated like this in a dating relationship, it represents selfishness though that may not be her intent.
The misappropriation of the necessary and meaningful relationships between parents and children, when infused into dating relationships, will cause unnecessary catastrophic results in those misguided relationships that make this fatal error. Parental relationships were purposed to develop little girls and little boys into healthy, whole men and women prepared for covenant relationships. The parental seed has then reproduced after its kind. This is the building-block of the family.